yeah, the smugmug site hosting all my pics was $45/year and I wasn't doing much else with it so I let it expire

I need to sit down and re-do those threads with a more reliable image source.
hmm, yeah - you're right the dist connector is the same, just the TFI has one small difference which is that the 3rd pin from the top in the diagram goes to +12v on start only for the gray but goes to EEC pin 4 for the black. That's the only thing I see different. I'm not sure if my current "grey" harness has the 22K ohm resistor already in place. RJM's website seems to have disappeared so I don't have the wiring diagram to check.
so I should just get a grey remote TFI then without the 3 spade connectors?