There are exhaust joint sealing compounds available, similar to a high-temp silicone that you could use to possibly reduce the leaking. Never used it myself, but considering it as I get into those modern stainless tube clamps for the rest of the system.
Something I used to see Edd use on Wheeler Dealers a lot on exhaust joints and junctions.
I can't remember the last time (if ever?) anyone talked about a leaking ball flange. On the other hand, the forums and magazines of old are chock full of never-ending leaky 3-bolt gasket flange stories. And tricks of the trade for making a leak free install. Some of which were not all that permanent either.
In fact, even though Stage-8 fasteners were invented due to a motorcycle header coming loose, it was auto header, and header flange bolts that really put them on the map way back when.
The ball flanges on older stock cast-iron manifolds are not known for leaking either I don't think. And those are sometimes a slightly rough surface too. Smoother than the rest of the manifold perhaps, but not glass smooth. Still no leaks.
In your case latrucker it sounds like it leaks all the time, even immediately after tightening it down? Or does it start out leak free but then work it's way loose?
If the latter, then something like one of the different locking fasteners might do the trick. But if it's just leaking all the time that won't help.
Are you able to determine the exact point of leakage? Or is it all the way around? Either way maybe you can still get in there and massage the female side a little to better conform.
Or even install some Grade-8 bolts to really cinch it down tight to better form the extension tube to the ball that last little bit?
If the extension and female end were supplied with the headers I would also give BC a call to see if they have a solution. At least if yours is just bolted/clamped to the rest of the exhaust.
If it's already fully welded however, then changing is a pain and maybe you can try one of the sealers.
Sorry to hear you're having the problem. Hopefully you can do something that does not involve removing anything!
In the end though, if you have to cut one off and weld in a new one to avoid leakage, it will be worth the extra trouble for the EFI especially.
Good luck.
Paul